Transitioning through divorce usually means that, at any given time, you feel immobilized and indecisive about what to do. This is often peppered with a lack focus and clarity, preventing you from taking necessary steps to creating change in your life. Your frustration about where you are and where you want to be is bound in feeling anxious and overwhelmed.
Allowing yourself to be stuck in the past and unable to make changes in the present leads to difficulty creating a different future – a future you need to create that is more aligned to where you really want to be.
Part of the problem with getting from point A to point B or from the present to the future is that we too often look at our current issues with the same lens. We ask the same questions. We attempt to solve problems in the same fashion. We don’t consider other alternatives. We don’t take actions that force us to work ‘outside the box’, mainly because whatever we did in the past worked. And, despite its current ineffectiveness in the present, we continue to walk down the same path.
Try thinking about it this way: if all you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail. No wonder people feel stuck. One tool. One strategy. Few options.
But there is another option that works – a simple question that can put you on a different path. This path can help you start to create the future that you want for yourself, while living in the present and being more of an observer of the past.
It’s The Miracle Question.
What is The Miracle Question? It’s simple.
Suppose tonight while you’re asleep, a miracle happens and when you wake up in the morning the problem(s) you are experiencing have suddenly disappeared. How would you know that a miracle had happened? In answering that think about: What would be different? What would you be doing, thinking, or believing differently about yourself that would indicate that a miracle occurred?
The great thing about this question is that it allows you to imagine how your life would be if something miraculous occurred. What would your life look like if a miracle occurred? What exactly do you want for yourself? What would you change about your life? If it were just the way you wanted it to be, how would it be different from what it is today? That’s your miracle. That’s the future you want to work towards creating for yourself.
Asking yourself the question is just the first step. The second – and equally important – step is to give energy and time to answering the question. Truthfully. Honestly. The Miracle Question has a way of spring boarding you from the present to the future, with less of a focus on the past.
I use it because it works. I have done it.
Regardless of where you are in your divorce, simply ask yourself The Miracle Question. It is a gift because it’s all about forward thinking and building momentum to create your ideal future. It lets you imagine and build your future for yourself.
Go ahead. Create your own miracle and embark on a new path to the future. Be the change you need to be for yourself. Remember, if you can visualize it, you can create it!
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Kristin M. Davin, Psy.D., is a Clinical Psychologist with a private practice in Manhattan. She has been in practice for over 12 years.
Davin specializes in pre-marital relationships, separation and divorce, relationship issues, and life transitions.
Dr. Davin received her Master and Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the Philadelphia College of Osteopathic Medicine in 2008 and 2010 respectively.
She has appeared on PBS, Discovery ID and is a frequent contributor to DivorcedMoms and YourTango.
