Janet and Bill had some happy years together – until she learned of his infidelities. Since then, she’s been trying to make the best of it, for the children’s sake. Now, though, Janet realizes she can’t continue hoping things will work out. It’s time to end the marriage and move on with her life, and she’s going to do just that – now that the holidays have come and gone. Breaking the news to family over gatherings for Thanksgiving, Chanukah and Christmas felt wrong, and by contrast, January seems to be a perfect fit – New Year, new life.
Janet’s situation is quite common. Many women wait until after the holidays to move forward with their divorces, and it can make excellent sense to do so.
Now that January is here, though, it’s time to get started. More specifically, here are five things for you to do this month:
Research divorce professionals in your area. To ensure the best possible outcome for your divorce, take the time to build a qualified divorce team. I recommend you start with these three players: a matrimonial/family law attorney, a divorce financial planner and a therapist/counselor. Spend some time researching divorce professionals and create a short list of candidates for each position. Then schedule interviews with the finalists – the sooner, the better.
Start collecting financial documents. Using my Divorce Financial Checklist as a reference, assemble copies of all relevant financial documents concerning your bank and brokerage accounts, credit cards, mortgages, insurance policies, etc. Watch the mail for year-end statements, and copy those. Keep your copies in a safe deposit box that your husband can’t access.
Check your credit report. While you’re gathering financial records, keep a careful eye on your credit card statements. Request a copy of your credit report. With that in hand, monitor your score carefully so you’ll be the first to know if any unusual activity occurs. (For example, did your husband use your joint credit cards to buy his girlfriend gifts this holiday season?) Check out my article, How To Protect Your Credit Score During Your Divorce, for more tips and information about credit.
Open new accounts in your name alone. Moving forward as a single woman in 2016 will require that you have a bank account and credit cards in your own name. It’s a good idea to lay that groundwork now. Go to a different bank than where you currently have joint accounts, and open both savings and checking accounts in your name.
You’ll need your own credit card, too, and you should start that process now, as well. It can take time for women with little or no income to establish credit on their own. Plan accordingly, and know that obtaining credit is going to be more complicated than just filling out an application or making a single phone call.
Remain vigilant. Is your husband using the good cheer of the holidays as cover while he dissipates family assets? Be attentive, and if you are concerned at all about financial shenanigans by your husband, you may want to think twice about filing a joint return with him for 2015.
Finally, if you know you’ll be divorcing, take time to consciously shift your focus away from the failings of the marriage and toward protecting your financial future as a single woman. When your divorce proceedings get underway in the New Year, it will be very important to Think Financially, Not Emotionally® for the best possible outcome.
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Reminder: It can be a good idea to wait till the New Year to announce your intention to divorce, but it would be a bad idea not to be ready for the process to begin when you do announce it. Taking the five pro-active steps I outlined above puts you in a strong positon.
Hot tip: Do NOT feel guilty if you feel it’s best to make quiet preparations for divorce. It comes as a surprise to many divorcing women that their husbands have been doing exactly that, perhaps even hiding assets (for months or even years!) to avoid having to divide them with their wives. You’ll be very grateful later that you laid this important groundwork early on.
Legal matters: State laws governing the divorce process vary widely and in many respects. If you have homes in multiple states, you may have a choice of jurisdiction in which to file. As you are researching divorce attorneys, it is worth your time to find out if filing in one state or another is likely to be more favorable to your case. Consider, too, any complications your case is likely to present, and seek out special expertise in those issues. I recommend working with professionals whose practices have specific experience successfully helping divorcing women.
